matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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