used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
