I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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