giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
