I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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