I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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