What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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