Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
