singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
