Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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