as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
