We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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