On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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