i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
