I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
