how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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