Will you blow on my dice?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
