Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
