if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
