I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will be naked everywhere
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
