i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
