if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
