Got a toothbrush?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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