problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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