Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
false alarm. still invincible.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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