How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
