I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
