there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize