u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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