i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
