Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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