You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
