alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize