You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
