She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
