He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
