Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
