I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is Oprah even human
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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