Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
