we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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