would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
