Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
