I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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