Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
