I must be too annoying 4 u.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
