what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
