So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
