I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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