I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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