Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
