I'm so fucking centered right now
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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