I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
