Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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