end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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