NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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