you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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