You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
