Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
