I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
