I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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