I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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