you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
