How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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