In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
