If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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