I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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