Whod you bang
My liver just broke up with me...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
