They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
