Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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