I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
